It ended, not with a bang, but a whimper...

....or I'm Off The Fucking Pot.

I e-mailed D this morning, sending her this:

Please accept my offer of resignation of my subcontracting position with you. I will gladly fill the terms of the two weeks should you need me.

By the time you get this, my night's work will be over, the kids will be out the door, and I'll probably be asleep, so if you would be so kind as to fax any termination paperwork, i.e., no-compete agreements, equipment return confirmation, etc., to me, that would be great. I can fill that out and bring that with the pedal when you're ready for me to stop taking work. I'll talk to you later this afternoon, if needed.

I had written 2+ pages in addition to this but, consummate professional and perfectionistic cretin that I am, I left the ranting (done very objectively, truly) if she wanted to see more. If she asked "why?" I intended to send.

I received a cordial e-mail that it was fine, thanks.

Okay. Very vague. I needed another e-mail for clarification, so it went something like this: When do you want me to turn in your equipment?

ASAP, and good luck, she replied.

No fireworks, but, I saw that e-mail and realized my 7-year history of her bitchfests were over.

OVER.

OVER OVER OVER OVER OVER.

That was all I needed. I didn't even want to send the rest of the resignation letter. I was done. I was free. I hadn't even heard her voice on the phone. I'm done.

I feel so free! I feel so happy. I let the Big Boss Lady and Little Boss Lady know right away that, as of that moment, I was all theirs, and I was happy with my decision.

I have tons of new templates :) They want me to try it all. I did plastics tonight, which was just like going home. I didn't have to enter ONE text expander. Oh, and get this...

However happy I am, "you're only half as happy as we are about your decision."

For the first night in 5 years, since D went mental, I don't have to worry about her! Worry about how much she'll demand I help her catch up for taking a day off. No more finding doctors and trying to figure out how to type their stuff without any instruction whatsoever...did you know Good Company sends out templates, instruction sheets, commonly used terms, etc., etc., etc., for each time someone types something new? I don't have to work in archaic systems. I use whatever platform I wish, and THEY CONVERT IT. I don't have to worry about messing up page margins or anything!

Yeah, I'm walking on the moon, here. Pull my head out of the stars. I know this sounds melodramatic, but if you've spent 5 years of your life trying to keep someone happy in order to keep a job with someone who makes snarky comments to you every night and occasionally threatens you with "when I find someone qualified, you're gone," it's like being freed from prison. When FIA stole our biz, deleting files felt like getting stomped on. Each file I deleted came with the though, "I made that template! I typed him first! She's so funny, and I'm going to miss her!"

D, I selected everything yours in one feel swoop and hit delete, and said "fuck yes," when it asked me was I sure to send it to the recycle bin. I'm done.

I did it. I did it! I could've let FIA ruin my life, but I picked myself up by the balls and kept going. My main purpose with FIA was to get enough together so I could quit D, anyway, so it very much surprised my family when the job I lost was the business I built, and not D. She's been so-not-nice for so-so-long.

I really am very happy with the Good Company. Very, very happy. Toss the work to me, I'll pick up the ball and get it back to you.

I danced out in the street with my sister. Yeah, that's pretty flippin' happy :) Junior made gagging noises as I watched him, but he's as happy as I am. I think the Prilosec's going to stay in the drawer for something...I'm not sure I'll need it any time soon!

Getting off the pot...

I talked to Little Boss Lady. There is a bit of information missing in the conversation; that's where we chatted on the phone about some things. It's e-mail, so you have to start at the bottom and work your way up, but, this makes me feel so much better. My question to Little Boss Lady: Can I bump up production with you to where I can move away from D and replace that income from your company? Please read:

No problem.

----- Original Message -----
From: Kiran
To: transcription
Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2007 8:16 AM
Subject: Re: Good morning!

Oh, no! I just didn't want to talk to you about something so important in e-mail. Sorry!

transcription wrote:
I forgot to tell you, when you first wrote me this morning, and said that you had something to talk to me about, I thought that you were going to leave us. I had that sinking feeling in my stomach. But then when you gave me this news, I am just overjoyed that it is this way and not the other way.
Thanks,
Little Boss Lady

----- Original Message -----
From: Kiran
To: transcription
Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2007 8:11 AM
Subject: Re: Good morning!

Okay. I might luck out and she'll get mad and ask for her pedal back right away. The thought of spending another night like the last three weeks already has my stomach turning, but I owe her professionally, and I need to give her that chance.

transcription wrote:
Okay that sounds great. Not sure if N was over there.

Give me about 2 or 3 days notice when you are ready to come on full time. She might need a little bit if notice from you so that she can hire someone else to work in her old program.
So let me know and I will make sure that you get the information.

Thanks,
Little Boss Lady

----- Original Message -----
From: Kiran
To: transcription
Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2007 8:04 AM
Subject: Re: Good morning!
I'm nearly jumping up and down here. That's great. Yes, I did get the files for the plastics docs, and it looks so homey and familiar LOL. I lost a total of four plastics docs in a year, and they had to close the office. One retired because of eyesight, his son didn't like it here, and the other two had a falling out. Ortho sounds great to me, and Dr. N - did he used to be over here?? I don't know that I typed for him, but it seems to me like Dr. S and he did some business scheming with the GI stuff at one point.

I need to talk to Stud and see what he advises as far as putting in notice. Her daughter and my son are classmates, so I have to make this as amicable as possible, and not only that, a lot of what I know comes from typing for her for so long. She's got my respect, but I can't give her my time any more.

Thank you for this opportunity. Transcription is not work to me, but when it gets to be work, it's not worth it.

transcription wrote:
Hi Kiran

I just talked to Big Boss Lady and she said that is great. We both feel the same that your work has been very good and we welcome you to be more full time with us. I told her that you still want to work later in the day and evenings as you have been doing and that is fine.
I did send out yesterday 2 files, one for R and one H.

That lady will be out on tomorrow and also she is only working half day on Friday, so I might have you cover them.

I want to send you also Dr. N who is foreign and gastro. I will send that later today. I would maybe need you to do that tonight. I will see on that one.

But in the meantime, we will get the info ready for the other large ortho group. They are all for the most part pretty good. So we will get all of that together. That is the group we were going to try to hire full time on, but now we will just send to you.

So let me know when you are ready for the more full time work and we will get it all together.
Big Boss Lady said she sees this as no problem, the extra money per month.

Thanks,
Little Boss Lady

----- Original Message -----
From: Kiran
To: transcription
Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2007 7:35 AM
Subject: Re: Good morning!

Yeah, if you don't mind LOL I can't find your phone #! It's got to be in one of my saved e-mails, but I can't see it.

Thanks!

transcription wrote:
Hi Kiran,
I have been here since 6:00 so I am here and already running.
Do you want me to call you?

----- Original Message -----
From: Kiran
To: transcription
Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2007 7:29 AM
Subject: Good morning!
Hi, Little Boss Lady. When you get in this morning, would you shoot me an e-mail? I need to call you about something, but I don't know how much longer I'm going to stay up, so I might shoot for early afternoon.

Thanks!

Kiran

So, if you've read to this point, please note that my letter of resignation is ready. It's time. They've got the work, and I like them, and they like me. I'll probably be posting about D's response, if you're interested. I know I am.

Get off the pot

Okay. This is in my e-mail yesterday morning from D:

Don't put paragraphs every time he says "paragraph."

Um, I don't. Never have since I started typing for him in 2002. Sometimes, though, his paragraphs make sense, and I leave them. No other problems with my work, so she just had to say something.

Yup, I have two phone numbers and fax numbers for other companies who called after I took the most recent subcontracting job, and I couldn't squeeze them in. Well, I could have, but I have this stupid loyalty thing going against me, so I stayed with D and took the other subcontracting position part time. I think it's time. She's just nitpicking to nitpick, now, and I'm tired. Could she have done this crap before my computer crashed? Do you know how many text expander entries I've put in just today?

Criminy.

I think I'll call Big Boss Lady at the other company to see if she can send more work my way. No archaic programs, no putting in expanders in expanders that aren't even sold any more. If they don't, I have other places to turn. I've made $18 in three hours, just from trying to rebuild seven years of stuff. I did back things up. I did. Problem is--I stored them on my other (read "new") computer, and the data corrupted or it didn't understand it, and it changed somehow during the transfer in time and space at warp speed. I don't like having all my eggs in one basket when you work transcription, but I can't deal anymore. What took me two hours to type is now taking me four or five. I've spliced three different templates together tonight alone, and hope they'll align on her computer when she prints them. Hope. She's going to scream at me for something today, and it will be all my fault, and I had no control over it and I did the best I could.

I never have to take Prilosec any more until I type for her. Come on, Kiran; the signs are all there. Shit or get off the pot.

Women Are Evil - by a woman

Women are guilty of cattiness, bitchiness, and psychosis until proven otherwise.
I thought I proved otherwise in the case of FIA, but obviously not.

Time and time again, women have screwed me over, about 18 times as much as men have. Considering I've worked all my life in industries that are female predominated (restaurant waitress, nursing, and now medical transcription), I think I know what I'm talking about. I have no way to judge friendships. I am afraid to form another one. I don't know how to pick friends that won't screw me over. In business relationships, I have a new policy: Be friendly, but if you're invited out for a beer, have a valid excuse not to go. They're lonely, and I'll fill that need for a time, and then they'll toss me to the curb.

There's a lady down the street, single mom, her kids the same ages as mine. I like her. She's cool. She's got a similar philosophy on raising her kids, and her kids are awesome. She fights the big battles and lets the little ones go; hence, and this is too damn funny, Junior says his friend looks like a sweet Latina piece of walking bubble gum, as her hair is bright pink! But, the same kid was caught smoking, and had serious consequences to pay. This is my kind of mom. Appearances can always be altered; substance can't.

Here's the thing: Will she eventually screw me over? Probably not. Even our kids say how similar in temperament we are. I'm to the point where I'm burying myself in work so I don't have an excuse to talk to her, because she's offered to go out for a soda (she's short as money as I am). She rarely calls (but she did when Bubble Gum Lassie was caught smoking, as several of her and Junior's mutual peers were involved), and I do like her to the point where I took her to dinner on a generous restaurant gift card given to me by one of the entities for which I type.

But will she screw me over?

I know how I am; if she does, I'll crawl back under my rock and cry. I don't know how to make someone miserable. Hell, even as I write this, I'm trying to figure out how to blow some sunshine up the reader's (read "your") ass so you'll come away from this doom and gloom with just a little smile, but I'm so tired of being stomped on. I'm a doormat to the female world. I don't have that many pieces of my psyche to let some heifer mutilate, and I'm really overprotecting myself here. I don't *think* Bubble Gum's mom has it in her to do such a thing, but I swore FIA would never do that, either. Then again, and it just hit me as I write this, I don't work with her either. There is no reputation (read "nurse" here) to further, nor is there money to hoard (read FIA and D). Wow.

Damn. Is this the criterion I'm missing? Sometimes, writing is good! Wow. Wow!
I'm still worried about putting myself out there, though. Let you know how it goes.

#

I have to wonder, though, from a writing standpoint, if I'm going to be a one-hit wonder. The numbers have dried up on my other "fluffy" blog, and I keep having good stories to tell, but nobody's reading them, except for my aunt. My aunt! OMG, she loves my blog! Considering she's in her 70s, this tickles the shit out of me. Of course, she found the story about her after she started reading it, and hopefully that helped. I love the woman, who was my legal guardian, as well. She's a perfect blend of my grandmother and my grandfather (see another blog here). She got all my grandmother's stubbornness and good sense, and all my grandfather's love in abundance, which he and she gave away to everyone. God's perfection, my aunt. I see people like her, and I know there is a God.

I looked for a story I wrote about my other grandmother, another piece of evidence of God's existence, and I can't find it. I haven't checked my backup files, but I hope I didn't lose it in one of the crashes. It was a beautiful piece (to me) that makes me cry, and would probably make my other family cry, so I was going to post it here. Somehow, putting my family's stories up and accessible to so many people makes them a little more immortal, even if no one reads them. The thought of losing that one really kills me.

#

In other news, in case you're still reading a long with me, I fucking slept. Slept, I say. Gloriously slept. Granted, it was in shifts, but I had a total of about 10 hours of sleep yesterday. Ten! Wow. I'm sitting here and blogging this and typing for D. My nerves aren't as shot as they usually are as I type for her. This is a good thing, right?

It just sucks because I have to keep adding expander entries for D. I think I've already added 15 this morning, and these are both doctors I type for regularly. It really, really gets old trying to replace all the entries on this word processing program.

Five more: methotrexate, metatarsophalangeal joints, metacarpophalangeal joints, right upper extremity, and left lower extremity. Can you tell this is rheumatology?

Time to step up production. I want a nap, if I can. This sleep thing is nice. I don't get it often enough.

Signing off at 10:18 a.m.,

Kiran Vennum