Six hours, totally changed perspective...or insanity.

12:32 a.m. I am lonely. I am sitting here near tears because there are no e-mails in my inbox and no one to talk to. It shouldn't be this way, even if I do work nights.

1. Dude's standardized testing scores came back as "meets" average. I started to cry. Eight years ago, some heifer screening him for preschool told me he had "problems" and wouldn't make it, ever, out of special education programs. I want to find her and shove that proof she was wrong up her ass. He's made it. For the first time, I know I was right in my convictions. I refused to let the school "label" him and I declined formal testing for a diagnosis of his personality disorder (if that's even what it is) because I knew a label would limit him. He's in mainstream classes, three years now. He's an average Joe with a penchant for strategy and sports game analysis. My son is going to drive a car. My son is going to graduate from high school. My son is going on to have lifetime achievements. I am so happy about this.

2. Sunny's standardized testing came back with all the little bars on the graph almost touching "exceed." Given that her skin mottles and her feet turn purple when she talks to the doctor she's known all her life, I can see her choking a bit on tests. Today, though, it doesn't matter; Dude saw that her test scores for her grade levels fell in the same blue category as his, and he understands, now. He learns differently, but that doesn't mean he can't be just as effective as genius Sunny. Sunny's a little disappointed that she was so close but not to exceeding. I told her, very succinctly, that she could go to school and learn about what really matters or try so hard to be better than everyone else that she misses out on what life teaches us (read: Don't be like me!). I don't want her to be like me. I don't want her nerves to trigger migraines. I want her to be happy and relaxed, and trying to be smarter than everyone or better than everyone is not always best for the child. I want Sunny to be good at being Sunny. I don't care if she flunks a class, as long as she gave it her best shot, turned in her assignments, and tried to get help if I couldn't give it to her.

3. My Junior turned 16. I watched him give his first girlfriend a kiss when we dropped her off from his b-day party the other night. It looked a little long to me...Sunny said I was a-reachin' for that horn, baby. It probably lasted a second, but I needed a paper sack.

All three of them went with me to Sunny's PT conferences, past student, present student, and future student. Dude's already voicing concern about how big the school is, and already apologized to one of his future teachers in case he falls asleep in her class! I got a big kick out of that one.

4. I made a new online friend, an author, like me! She's done the self-publishing route, and we exchanged some links. She's read my stories on the "fluffy" blog, and she's given me some serious kudos and added me to the lengthy list of her favorite bloggers.

So what am I in a funk about?

Oh, I can't do what I want to do right now, which is write, or revamp, or edit, or research. Nope, I'm working. I kind of hope they run out of work so I have an excuse not to! Apparently, this is going to be one of those blog-with-me nights, where I ponder what's the freakin' matter with me while I work. If you're looking at this and wondering why I'm writing here instead of on my stories, it's because I sit and think of a paragraph and then write it. I have to be in the mode. Right now, I'm more into neuro than characters who don't really exist.

Signs of the times? Neurology dictation: Social history: He has at least a daughter.

Ugh.

Oh. Oh! We are out of work at the good company! I just checked with a publisher who wants a chick-kicking butt book (which I write), fantasy (I'm SO there), and they want three chapters and a goddamn synopsis. Synopsis! I hate the things. Hate, hate, hate. But, it's type for the surgical center and then go through and rehash the book? It's the shortest book I've got. It's done. It meets their submission guidelines...

I'll post my progress later.

3:54 a.m. Panic...the surgical center has no dictation either. OMG, if you're reading this, you have just witnessed a there-is-a-god moment. I haven't had this much time off in weeks! I'm so excited! Bye for now!

6:11 a.m. - page 250 of my book, Olympus, reviewed! I have the synopsis form printed out and filling it in. I feel like I'm doing something, and it feels good.

I'm doing a lot of "shit or get off the pot" things lately. Maybe that's my funk. I need to shake things up.

I know this sounds stupid, but "yay, me."