Plastic fork with a prong missing, eating Chinese

Ah, the smell of ozone. I love it when my monitors blow after rockin' "relations." Makes you think God likes the missionary position and that's it. It's a good thing we've got a few extra sitting around. I just got to get used to this protruding screen again. Silly me, I wanted to throw the accumulated technology of the past 10 years out. Hubby said no. He wins. I hate it when he does that.

Is this sentence as hard to read as it was to transcribe?

"If, in fact, he could see him by the time I'm due to see him, I would just as soon to have him see him." This refers to a specialist referral by an internal medicine doc.

Maybe it's just getting late. I know it sucks, but he's a verbatim (yay) account, so I don't have to think about how to fix it, just type what he says. The problem is trying to figure out what he says.

Hi. It's 2:52 a.m. Did your kids go to bed angry at you?

I ask them for help. It seems like, whenever I finally put my foot down and insist that I get help, it's sabotaged and I end up paying for it. Tonight's assignment? I got to bed late, had to get up for some deliveries, and the toads stole my computer and told me it wasn't time for me to get up yet. I shouldn't have believed them, but they knew they needed to cook dinner.

Very simple dinner. One pot, one pan. Two packages of ground turkey, red sauce, and noodles. I
told them I wanted to eat when I got up. I deserve a break. Seriously, I do.

They couldn't find enough noodles. So, everyone compensates by eating more hamburger/red sauce than the should.

There's no dinner for me.

Okay, no noodles. What about the two boxes up in the cabinet? She didn't see it, nor did the tall one! Okay, there are noodles still in the bag from the store the other day. What? Look in a bag? How were we supposed to know it wasn't put away?

New assignment: Organize my pantry and linen closet. This will not happen again.

I got ignored. They swear they'll do it tomorrow.

Heifer rant: Ovis Ovis cuts checks on the 15th. On the 19th, I sent an e-mail, asking about it, knowing that Ovis Ovis sometimes runs late. I live 1.3 miles from said institution.

My question: Was Ovis Ovis late writing checks?

Her response: Ovis Ovis issued checks the evening of 5/17/08. I put them in the mail yesterday. Not sure what the issue is, I pulled your invoice and it is dated 5/13/08. That's only 4 days, including a weekend in there.

My response: I just know he usually does checks around the 15th. I don't work in the office, and I'd just like to know when to expect it. Thanks.

I'd like to know if her check was on time and she knows when to expect payment for services rendered. Heifer. My kid needs new shoes. I'd like to bring home some bacon.

Ovis Ovis STILL hasn't responded to my calls or last e-mails. He's such a wuss. I want to send a certified letter of resignation. I don't have a contract with them. Somehow, I went from typing three times a week to every night for MY convenience (less to deal with a night) a year back. I swear, I really just want to run the equipment up and give it to Heifer. Hey, she can make them want to run off; shouldn't she want to find someone else?

I feel like a useless slug tonight. I'd much rather write of my sylph and her puma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a telepath and mutant roaches, too, in another book. Bite me.

========= ========= ========= =========

Oh, lucky you. Two days' vennum spewage in one. I got my ass into gear about 4:00 a.m. and churned out 900 lines between then and 7:00 a.m. Not that impressive, easy doc, easy money...I don't complain...

about that, anyway.

Kids? Pantry? Reorganization?

Um, the canned pasta got put away. Someone moved two mac-n-cheese boxes to another shelf.

Yup, progress.

Out of curiosity, I left our portable dishwasher sit out, completely full, just to see if anyone got tired of having no dishes. It's not entirely my fault; when I think about doing dishes, someone's in the shower, the laundry's going (in the house, you can't have too many things going on one circuit or you're toast). The most available time is during the day which, of course, I'm tired by the time

I go to bed and forget to start it.

We have no clean dishes. I'm eating with a plastic fork with one prong missing. I got Chinese out of the deal, though. Sunny ate dinner with a big-ass meat fork.

Yup, progress at its finest.

'Kay, I'm bloated on Chinese. I want to catch up on my shows online. I hope your weekend goes pleasantly. My kids won't have that luxury. I'm on the warpath. Let's see how much I can make them hate me...

SCREAM. Hub just reported there's water under our washing machine.

There's now a dent the size of a salsa bowl in my desk. Tortilla chips, anyone?

I'll just pretend my hands have no pain.
Work so hard and have no gain.
I'll pretend life doesn't exist
Hours of love to my kids when they're briefly kissed.
Towels on the outside railing, dripping 'til dried.
Hey, guess what? Our washer's fried.
Half through spinning
Murphy's winning
Credit company grinning
Someone voodoo doll pinning?

I ask myself, "When's my break?"
While my hands, now head, just ache.
Ibuprofen dulls the stuff
But, God, you know, when's enough?
I had the pay for a new screen.
Now the washer? That's just plain mean.
Website says no can fix and to call the man
who charges by the hour, as much as he can.
How am I supposed to feed my gecko, dogs and cats,
kids, snakes, rodents, and the awful rats?
Don't you know cheap food = saturated fats?

I look at the old replacement screen
and know work's there, but what's that mean?
All I do is earn some green
but it's not enough to primp and preen.
It's all I can do to keep afloat...
Wait, won't say that, or there'll be a hole in my boat.
The washer's leak warped and rotted the floor.
Who knows how long the leak's been for?
I don't suppose anyone wants a fat whore...
Blog this quick, before there's more.

Okay, it sux, but not bad for two minutes. It sux, too, that I can rhyme my whines so fast. Maybe it says something about my personality. Probably.

Shit fuzzy fuck.

Addendum:
Life's looking better
Towels don't get wetter
Mom to the rescue
No more towels dragging through the fescue.
My complaints are fewer
Mind out of the sewer
When it comes to family, mine's the best
They want to be sure I get some rest
They know I work hard
and why my butt looks like lard
They know that I try
and why I cry.